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All Of It, All At Once

by OK Koala

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1.
Verse 1: Tell me once again that I Have lost control of my own life As if I haven't seen it right in front of me a hundred times You can scream some more, whatever makes you happy I'm sorry I'm a godless queer Well, maybe I should volunteer At church camp one more summer, reconnect my strings to puppeteers That don't breathe anymore, and if they do, they won't have me There's a creak in the boards I can never make you happy Chorus: But I've seen the war inside these dusty windows So I leave the shore and follow where the wind goes There's a riot on the airwaves and I don't like hearing noise without a melody I used to plead for your forgiveness and permission Now I scream for more; I'm tired of submission There's two devils on my shoulders 'cause no angel could endure the righteous hell in me (1, 2, 3, 4!) Verse 2: I breathe until I fall apart I'm bleeding from a shattered heart I scrape my severed soul that split in seven segments, and I start To walk again I killed to make you happy I'm barefoot on a gravel road Exhausted and a little stoned My headphones hold my head together when it cannot bear the load I'm on the mend But I fold when you look at me It was all pretend I'm ripped through; are you happy? Chorus Guitar Solo Verse 3: You're tearing down my citadel Afraid that I might kiss and tell I think I found my heaven even though you tried to give me hell You can take it back I know you want it badly I know I won't be bid farewell No cannons and no ringing bells You won't give me a fanfare or a penny for the wishing well And I hate the fact That you think I'll make you happy But I won't wait to laugh I don't care that you're not happy
2.
A Few Weeks 04:19
Verse 1: Can you believe it? It's true I don't wanna wear you out, but what looks best on me is you I'm tired of this ceiling In my room Because it's a high expanse that would best be shared by two Pre-chorus: And I'll sing it out Don't wanna bring you down But I would just stay home if you'd just stay home with me When you're not around I feel I'm not allowed To be happy, but I'll be happy in a few weeks Chorus: You're going straight to my head You're going straight to my head, why can't I find you? Verse 2: Maybe I'm bleeding And bruised But if I am going down, I'm going down with or on you (Haha) If you think I don't mean it Well, I do Because I don't make contact if I don't plan to follow through Pre-Chorus Chorus Guitar Solo Pre-Chorus Chorus
3.
Verse 1: Running over all your power lines It wasn’t closure, but it still felt good I made it out alive, though my brain is fried And my heart is racing I was sober when I made the plan To get much closer than I knew I should But after seven shots, the plan became a plot And now we both need saving Chorus: How’s it feel now that I’m the one behind the wrecking ball? No one’s just a son of a gun Everyone becomes the weapon of their choosing And I’ve chosen mine, get ready to run Verse 2: Running motors give off toxic gas And awful odors, but the speed is fun And so I throw it in drive and run the engine dry To stop my heart from racing Fields of clover blur as I accelerate Until I’m on the shoulder, the heat is on I’m laying rubber down on the way out of town Now I don’t need saving Chorus
4.
Verse 1: Seventeen Was a meaningless year, we all learned nothing But that’s all anyone writes songs about Now here we are All our teenage years are lost or crumbling And now we’re supposed to have it figured out Pre-Chorus 1: Well, age was never just a number The water’s filling up to the brim And now we’re falling in the deep end And trying to swim Chorus: I wanna wait a lifetime to be alive Can’t run away, I’ve got no home Another wave crashes, I’ve realized That we’re all making it up as we go Another wave, I’ll run away Another wave, can’t run away Verse 2: It’s all pretend An illusion at best that we know what we’re doing Nobody wants to grow up anyway All my friends Make the best-laid plans but they all get ruined So we’re living for the moment everyday Pre-Chorus 2: Well, treading water doesn’t last long The water’s getting over our heads So let’s hold off our worries at arm’s length And smile instead Chorus Guitar solo Pre-Chorus 3: Well, age was never just a number The water’s overflowing the banks But if you think we’re gonna grow up Well, no fucking thanks! Chorus
5.
Verse 1: My mind usually stays still but these days it’s traveling Nomadic brain cells, a free-range catastrophe And I’ll end up whole, though I’m not where I wanted to be I fold unassisted; I create my agony So reminiscent of teenage unraveling All of the cold and the climate is calling to me Interlude Verse 2: My mind’s usually sober but these days it’s stumbling NOTHING but awkward and weak, vacant mumbling I’ll ramble on ’til I lose my tongue and I can’t speak I’m feeling “all over”; my diseased brain is crumbling Thought trains are trackless in deep space, just tumbling How many holes must I fall down ’til I’m out of deep? Bridge: I am lost In a world with no face How hard must I fall To fall into place? I’m alone In a hole in my room But with a conscience this crowded There’s no room for you Interlude Bridge 2: I am lost In a world with no face How far must I fall To fall into place? I’m someone I’m sorry to be Come catch me, I’m calling You’re all that I need Interlude
6.
Verse 1: I hope we never make it to Mars Because it’s prettier without us there Humans’ only job is to fuck things up So it’s better off red and bare I hope that the ocean floor Is never touched by artificial light We dissect but do not protect So keep those creatures out of our sight Chorus 1: I haven’t been swimming in a long time Maybe I don’t want to go nowhere Put me near a sunny pool, I’ll dive in And wake up with tangles in my hair Verse 2: I wanna see the mountain tops Much too high for anyone to climb They don’t need destruction by hands or machines The only thing that should erode them is time I wanna see the flowers bloom Forever innocent and undefiled Let the children rest in the wilderness And wake up knowing they’ll forever be wild Chorus 2: I haven’t been swimming in a long time Maybe I don’t want to go nowhere Put me near a sunny pool, I’ll dive in And wake up with flowers in my hair
7.
Verse 1: I woke up too late Didn’t brush my teeth Soothed my chemical addiction with an energy drink I managed to stay In bed ’til four I took the plans I made for myself and I showed them the door Chorus: I’m coming to terms With the fact that I’m not fine I slept in way too late, forgot my meds today For the second time When will I learn That I’m fucked up in my mind I’m barely holding on, pissed off at everyone I’m not alright Go! Verse 2: I canceled my plans But I don’t care I am starving, but I’m lethargic; I can’t go anywhere My phone’s running low It’s almost dead But as long as I’m in my screen, I’m out of my own head Chorus Go! Bridge: Oh! And it’s hard to admit your own decline But I cannot pretend I’m doing fine I’m surrounded by mirrors with all the signs And I think it’s time that... Chorus Go! Go! Go! Outro: I can’t help but notice the signs that I’m slipping 'Cause fast food at 5AM is not nutrition But I will walk on the gravel as if I’m addicted to pain I’ll solve my anxiety with each class I’m skipping And fix my depression with drugs, no prescriptions And I will walk in the shadows and wish my condition away I will walk in the shadows and wish my condition away
8.
Smoking 03:30
Verse 1: I wanna start smoking cigarettes I’m sure that’s something that I will regret But I don’t care I’m tired of breathing in empty air I wanna feel something in my lungs I want to hold something on my tongue And then exhale Because the air is thin and getting stale (Whatever takes me away from here) Chorus: I’m throwing away The illusion of purity For some semblance of security Maybe it’s nice to have something I can hold onto Verse 2: I wanna keep drinking alcohol Until I run into a blackout wall A few more sips I’m lost for words, so I’ll just numb my lips But I guess addiction is in my blood So let my veins be a rainbow flood Of foreign flows I barely care if everybody knows (Whatever takes me away from here) Chorus 2x Bridge: I’ll take a pill for the aches Another pill for the shakes Another pill for my brain But all the pills I could take Could never give me a change Just a pretty escape I am numb and I'm dumb and... Chorus 2x
9.
Verse 1: Someday I’ll board a rocket for the first and final time I’ll feel the planet letting go as we begin to climb We’ll slip the hold of atmosphere and find the darkest skies I’ve fallen all my life, but now I’ll feel my body rise Chorus: I’ll take a space walk out into nothingness Disconnect myself from the ship and float away And until I run out of oxygen I will feel like the stars are not so far away Verse 2: And as I’m floating high above the boredom of the ground I’ll finally feel untethered from all sense of up or down I’ll stare into the infinite and unrepentant black And, right before I die, I hope I feel it staring back Chorus
10.
Verse 1: I was working all summer, wasting time at the same job You showed up from the stable, sunburnt arms in a tank top Ooh You probably spent so much fucking money on fast food When you came to visit; you know you didn’t have to Ooh When I took you to prom, we took pictures in the yard I think my mother later asked about the cuts on your arms, yeah Ooh There was probably a path we could’ve walked on together But you stayed behind while I went off and changed for the better, aah Ooh Pre-Chorus: In the swirling cloud confusion of a high school kid I know this world was our illusion, but that light don’t win You can lie and I will try to pick a side that ain’t my own As if this isn’t something, anything, anyway, after all Chorus: I broke my neck trying to get to heaven I lost my voice trying to talk to god I lost my mind trying to find redemption Because this never was anything, anyway, after all Verse 2: Your pain was not something I was ready to find out 'Cause my heart was a balloon that didn’t want to be tied down Ooh Yeah, I know what it feels like to walk on a line You spend your laughing moments wondering why you don’t wanna cry, now Ooh I know my seat in heaven was bought by generous donors So I guess I’ll take that highway out to Jesus, Arizona Ooh Yeah this note is such a failure, yeah, that line was a flub But this road is like my ribcage and I’m fixing it up, now Ooh Pre-Chorus Chorus Guitar Solo / Outro
11.
Verse 1: I wanna be famous and be all the rage And have people scream back what I’m singing on stage I wanna be an activist and fight for what’s right Without social anxiety keeping me awake at night I want someone to take pictures of me Make up my face And tell me I’m pretty I want to post it with some clever caption 'Cause if it isn’t online, then it never fucking happened Chorus: Who really cares what I want? It doesn’t really matter to anyone At the end of the day, it’s irrelevant after I’m gone Who gives a damn what I want? Maybe somebody who’s hearing this song But maybe pigs wanna fly; anyway, it doesn’t matter in the long run Verse 2: I wanna hold all my hurt in my stomach Just to prove I have control over something I wanna cover my face in a mask To fake a smile when I don’t feel up to the task I wanna drink ’til my conscience feels lighter So I burn quicker when I set myself on fire I wanna die in the grandest of fashions And burn all the proof that my life ever fucking happened Chorus Outro: Burn all the proof that my life ever happened Burn all the proof that anything ever fucking happened Burn all the proof that this song ever happened
12.
Verse 1: We watched our greenhouse turn to dust It's all a dream now, only us All that we've grown lost to apocalypse A siren rolls off my martyred lips And as I lie down and look up at planets collide, oh, this wondrous disaster is boiling, and I know The sky will tear Sunrise, somewhere Verse 2: And as it all dims, my dreams expire And so I throw them into the fire I am lost for words, can't find the track As this train runs across my back And as the marks on my skin leave me naked and wide open, I try to muster the strength within my bones and I'm tired, I'm bare Sunrise, somewhere Verse 3: I watch my own blood from the gloom I'm killed in cold blood with no tomb I watch through my fingers as angels fly Not one of them lingers except to watch us die I see the starving, the burning, the swift violations; we're dying down here, you don't hear what we're saying, it's Not right, no fair Sunrise, somewhere Interlude Outro: You thought you'd lose me, but I'm still here Is there a new me behind these tears? I'm fine, I swear Sunrise, somewhere.

about

All of it, all at once. I've often described life this way. Everything tends to build up and then fall all over you simultaneously, and it can be overwhelming at best and ruinous at worst. Many of these songs have been in the works since around or even before the Coping Mechanisms EP was written and recorded, and although I would have rather had them finished and released a long time ago, I do think their slow refinement has ultimately led to a better result. In a way, it defies its title. My natural instinct is to rush through the creative process and immediately share everything new I make out of a desperation for it to be heard while it is still fresh and exciting to me, but resisting that urge and letting things mature over time has, in this case, led to a result of which I can be much prouder. A much greater variety of influences and ideas has made its way into this record over time, so this is really a collection of 4+ years' worth of mind noises condensed into a form. It is a deep breath of air that I have been holding in for a very long time and am finally ready to exhale.

credits

released January 5, 2023

Logan Flanagan - vocals, guitar, bass, drum programming, keys/synth programming, lyrics/composition, production, mixing
Kirk Tinnel - mastering
Andrian Krovopuskov - album cover

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OK Koala Nashville, Tennessee

Warmly cathartic pop-punk/alternative band from Nashville, currently composed of Logan Flanagan, Carter Tarr, Rose Berry, and Caison Rogers

Debut album out now!

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